No one ever told me before Dane came that nursing doesn't come naturally for everyone and it's not always easy. I just assumed it would happen and we wouldn't have any problems. Boy, was I wrong. Over the past 3 weeks I have just been having the hardest time and I don't know what to do. Supposedly, 90% of women have trouble breast feeding, so I know I'm not the only one. My problem is this...This sweet boy of mine loves his tongue (if you can't tell by the pictures) and he loves to suck on his tongue. Because of this he does not latch well at all and it hurts.
For the first few days in the hospital, we had a lactation consultant helping us get his latch right, which we never really succeeded in while I was there. It was painful, but everyone kept telling me that it gets better and to just keep at it and it would get better; however, since he wasn't latched right, it only got worse. It was so bad I would cringe and grab something every time he would latch on because it hurt so bad. It got to the point, that I started supplementing him with formula because I just couldn't do it until I healed some. So, I would just pump and feed him some milk from me and some formula until I felt better to start trying again.
I started going to a new lactation consultant since I've been home. She's been awesome and has helped me get him latched on correctly. The only problem is, she can do it, and I can't. Every time in her office she is able to get him on. She teaches me what to do, but for some reason, when I try it myself at home, we can't do it. I get soooo stressed out and I cry about it a lot because I feel like I'm failing. I also don't have a great milk supply, so if I try to pump, I don't get enough for me to just pump and feed, I have to supplement with formula for him to get enough to eat.
My dilemma... I want to continue trying sooo bad and get it right. I want him to have the health benefits of breast milk, I want to have that special bond with him, I want to do it because I always thought I would. Not to mention, it's convenient and free. But, it stresses me out so bad to the point that I dread him waking him because I know I'm going to have to feed him and it's going to hurt pretty bad. I just don't know what to do. I think I might still try for another week or two, but I feel like it might be better for my sanity to just give him a bottle of formula.
Does anyone have any advice or have been in this situation? I really need some help from someone who has been here before. If you prefer to email me instead of leave a comment, I would love that as well... tiffaustin88@gmail.com
Thanks for listening and for the support!
17 comments:
:( I know how you feel. When it comes to feeding, you're always so scared that they aren't getting enough... but it's important to know that it's new to them as well... Try to break his seal before he get's the chance to abruptly pull off you (which kills!!!). You may need to hold his head close so he doesn't. you can also stroke down his throat when he's latched on(with lips flanged) that promotes swallowing.
I hope this helps and that things get better!
Nursing is HARD!! I wish more people told you that BEFORE you started and felt like a failure. With Payson it was really painful and I was honestly relieved when she wasn't gaining weight and the doctor finally told me that I really NEEDED to stop nursing and bottle feed. I felt awful, but it was so hard! When Jack was born I really wanted to get it right so I did some research and found a highly recommended book called "The Nursing Mother's Companion" by Kathleen Huggins. I read it while I was pregnant and found it informative. Then when Jack was born and we started nursing I realized that it was the nursing mother's BIBLE!!! That book has the answers to every question and problem. I really recommend you find a copy. I can even send you mine! Just email me your address and I'll send it! That doesn't help much for right now though, does it? Ugh. It is really frustrating and excruciatingly painful when you're learning. But once you get it it will just click and it will be so rewarding!! But as much as I encourage you to keep trying to figure it out, I also want to tell you that it's okay if it doesn't work out. I know that sounds awful. And I'm SOOOOO pro-breastfeeding. But I learned with Payson that sometimes it's more important to just relax and enjoy being a first time mom. The truth is, breast milk would have been best. But now she's almost six, smart as a whip, healthy as can be, and no one would EVER know that she wasn't breast fed past 2 months. So don't feel guilty if the end result is that you don't get to keep at it for as long as you want. Good luck!!
OH!! And in the mean time, eat LOTS of pineapple!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know it sounds crazy, but it will help with the pain! I thought it was crazy until I tried it. It totally works. Fresh is best, but canned is fine too. Just eat as much of it as you can stand. I never knew why it worked and then one day I saw a plastic surgeon on Oprah who said he recommends all of his patients eat pineapple after surgery because there are natural pain reducing chemicals in it or something. Weird. But I swear by it! For mastitis, engorgement, etc. It really does help with the pain!!
Hopefully you guys figure it out fast. He is just the cutest little guy ever!!!
Wow. That's a really long comment.
Tiff,
Sorry it has been so tough! With Hannah, breastfeeding went great. I thought I had it down. Then Isaac came along. And it was a whole different story. We could never get the latch right. He would just end up crying, I would end up crying. Nursing was a stressful time, not a bonding time. In fact, I even starting feeling distant and resentful towards him. (How horrible does that sound? But still, it's true.) So, at about 2 months old, I stopped cold turkey. I just couldn't take the emotional battle anymore. Also, when i would pump I wouldn't get hardly any milk whatsoever and I was concerned that I wasn't producing enough milk.
That being said, and also with the caveat that you need to decide whats best for you in the end, as for me, I'm not sure that was the right decision because I've regretted it ever since. I've spent more time crying about what he and I both missed out on since then than I did about how hard it was. What I regret the most is that I didn't reach out for help. I didn't really read any books, I didn't go see a lactaction consultant. I think I felt like I already knew what to do and he just wouldn't do it, so I had no choice. But every child is different and I think I could have majorly benefited from a lactation consultant.
It sounds like you have a great one. And the fact that she can help you get latched on correctly is a HUGE positive! That means there is hope with practice. Perhaps keep seeing her for a while and definitely read that book that your friend mckenna suggested. I read that since Isaac and it has helped me so much with Reid, with whom breastfeeding is going so much better.
But my biggest piece of advice would be to detach yourself from the guilt. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT! Some babies come programmed and its just easy, and other come and its just really difficult. And as much as we hear that mothering is such a natural thing--in some ways that is true, and in other ways it is SO NOT! We have to learn and practice as we go, and sometimes relearn over and over again. And that is OKAY! Its more than okay! It means you love and care for your child enough to do it! Recognize that you are doing everything you can, and that is enough. It in the end it doesnt work you, don't beat yourself up either. You are making the best decisions you can for your child, and sometimes things just don't go the way we expect and then we just have to regroup, reprogram, and change our expectations and recognize that is okay too.
I can tell how much you love and adore your little guy and I know you will figure it all out in the end. Good luck to you Tiffany!
First off, I'm so sorry you are struggling with this cause it sucks. Secondly, thank you so much for coming forward and admitting that it's hard. I have been struggling this whole time and she will be a month old tomorrow. It seems like most people just hide out when it comes to this topic and no one really has admitted to me that they struggled. So I've been feeling like less of a woman and not as good of a mom as others. I think you are doing everything right when it comes to trying to make it work. I still need to call a lactation consultant. I keep saying I will but then I don't cause I start to think that Emily and I can figure it out and make it work. She is a good latcher and an excellent nurser. But something in the equation is off cause I still have some nipple pain from time to time and last night it was pretty bad. I had just nursed her and then had some pretty excruciating pain. I was in tears. I had a cool rag, an ice pack, Lansinoh and Brock sitting next to me. I'm not sure what happened but something must have been off with her latch and I think she can do some damage when that happens. So I told Brock I have to follow through with a lactation consultant cause I can't keep this up. It will go good for a few days and then one bad feeding can ruin me for a day or two. I only nurse her a few times a day now and feel like I have failed a little too. I feel like it's just easier to pump and bottle feed. Luckily my supply is abundant so I am able to give 100% my milk but I feel so much guilt cause she prefers to nurse and I know she just cries for it sometimes and roots around on me looking for it. And I trick her with a bottle cause I am afraid of the pain or what damage might happen that time and how long it will take to heal. I too am so frustrated that you never know it's not easy. Not even a little easy. I'm really having an emotional battle with this cause I am to the point where I'm not sure I even want to pump anymore. After last nights bad feeding I pumped her next one and when I was done that sore nipple was purple! I'm not sure what is wrong or what happened but the pain and frustration is really hard. I just know that breastmilk is best and that she does better on 100% my milk. Her tummy handles it better and she is less fussy. But it is really taking a huge commitment from me and I'm not sure how long I can keep it up. Geez, I know you asked for advise and here I am complaining to you. I guess I just want you to know you're not alone and that I really understand where you are coming from. I will let you know anything I learn from my lactation consultant that may help you. Also, do you know what the specific problem is? Is it just purely that he doesn't latch correctly? I just can't figure out what Emily and I are doing wrong cause she nurses great and her latch usually looks good to me. Sometimes it barely hurts while she is nursing. Then I have horrible pain afterwards. I'm hoping that no matter what the outcome is that you find peace with it and know that you are a good mom! That is what I keep telling myself. I feel like I am making a solid effort at this and hope it works out but if it doesn't then that's ok too.
Hi Tiffany. Sorry to hear about this. Nursing can definitely be challenging. In reading some of the other posts, it seems that the book suggested below might be good to read. Also, maybe try a different lactation consultant. It seems that each consultant has different tips and maybe a new person will be able to teach you different techniques. Good luck with everything. Bonnie (PhillyBaby)
Another thought.... in the beginning, I had to supplement with formula quite a bit b/c my milk wasn't in yet. A lot of doctors say there is no such thing as "nipple confusion" but my daughter defintely had a tough time latching on after taking a bottle or a pacifier. We eventually went cold turkey on bottles and pacifiers, and it took a couple days, but her latch improved. She also cluster fed every hour for parts of the day.....I think to stimulate more milk production. During this time, we went to the doctor twice a week for weight checks.... her weight dropped after we stopped formula, but she has since reached her birth weight again. Not sure if this is helpful, but this has been my experience this time around....
after reading all of these posts i feel so incredibly lucky that this wasn't one of our struggles. However, almost all of my friends have struggled with this and 2 of them that eventually gave up and fed formula said they immediately felt relief and were able to enjoy their baby more because they weren't constantly stressed out at the thought/fear of feeding and hurting and struggling. I also have a friend who diligently pumped for 1 year because her kid couldn't latch and eventually she did get enough supply so that he only drank booby juice (as we call it). Anyway, if you bail on nursing, don't feel guilty. i was formula fed and i think i turned out ok! :) you can always try again with the next kiddo. its not worth your sanity. :)
Tiff,
I guess I could email you this but what's one more ubber long comment?? ;)
I never knew before I had Abby that nursing could be difficult. I knew gave it much of any thought and no one really said anything either. Well it was an awful experience. I think one problem I had was right when she was born we made the mistake of having family stay with us right away. It stessed me out like crazy becuase here I was with a brand new baby trying to figure things out but at the same time felt like I needed to be a host. It was awful. So my milk never really came in I think. Then Abby would nurse for over an hour. When I'd take her off she'd scream and freak out. So I'd give her a bottle and she'd down like 4 ounces after an hour of nursing. It was so frustrating. Why was I spending so much time nursing if she was still going to take a bottle? So I stopped nursing and pumped what I could till she was about 2 and a half months. I never produced enough for her to just have my milk so I supplemented about half and half. I figured at least she was getting some of my milk and the first few months of the milk are the most important. I struggled really bad and felt guilty and all the feelings I'm sure u are feeling but once I came to the decision and stopped and just pumped I finally started to enjoy my baby. Before that it was awful and I didn't feel all those bonding feelings they say u feel when u nurse.
Then I had Chase. I really wanted to try again with him and thought it would be much easier the second time. Nope. My milk came in much better this time but he just couldn't latch on right either. There was a lactation specialist in our ward and she came to my house several times and helped a lot but as soon as she would leave I could never get him to latch the same. Every feeding I would cry and just grit my teeth cuz it hurt so bad. He would latch ok one time then the next time it would be back to awful. After two full weeks of crying, cracked, blistered and bleeding nipples I finally gave up again. I just pumped and fed him what I had. I gave myself a timeline and said I would pump for 3 months. After that...just formula. I never had enough to do 100% my milk but again it was better then nothing. Once I switched to just pumping I finally again was able to enjoy and love my baby. Before that I resented him and hated every feeding and dreaded the moment he woke up. I finally have realized breast feeding is not for everyone. I know breast milk is best but a happy mom is more important. I never felt like I bonded with my babies when I nursed. I felt like I bonded soooo much more when I gave up and bottle fed. Abby is almost 3 and Chase is 1. They both are happy healthy and smart. There is nothing wrong if nursing doesn't work for u. It was an awful experience both times for me and I just don't think I am a nursing mom. After both times I have realized there is nothing appealing about nursing to me Since I had such a hard time with it. So I don't know if that helps but you are not alone. A happy mom is more beneficial then one that resents their baby. So I know exactly how you feel. For me, that has been the hardest part having having babies. Let me know if there's anything else I can give you lengthy advice on ;) good luck!
Have you tried using a nipple shield? If your little guy takes a bottle with no problem, then chances are, he will latch to the nipple shield. Also, don't let yourself stress too much. Nursing is tough!! It's your first time and his! Seriously, it took me like 3 months to finally feel competent and able when it came to nursing. Supplementing with formula is okay!! Even if it eventually means only bottle feeding, that bond will still be there. I got mastitis and had to abruptly stop nursing at 5 months. I freaked out thinking that I would totally lose that bond with Asa. Nothing changed and giving him a bottle was special too because we could snuggle and look at eachother just the same. Either way, you are doing great! I really hope nursing gets easier quickly. It can be so stressful, especially at 2 am.
been there lol i thought i would breast feed for a long time with Lydia BUT, it only lasted 2 weeks :( i was so sad cause i felt like i failed. i just didnt produce enough milk. but dont EVER feel bad for giving a bottle to him. i even had people telling me that i was a bad mom for not breast feeding! dont stress about it though. Lyddie is happy, healthy, and growing bigger everyday :) do what ur comfortable with. (i hope this helped a bit. all i wanted was for someone to tell me it was ok to bottle feed lol) sorry i didnt email lol
oh, Tiff...I'm sorry! Nursing is SO hard to get the hang of! I say if you are in that much pain, and it's just stressful, it will be better for you both to just go to a bottle! And I totally know what you mean, it can feel like failing, I felt that with Blake, but it's totally not failing. As long as Dane is getting what he needs,(and it sounds like he is) you are doing a great job! I'm not gonna lie, they say nursing is more convenient....I totally disagree! In some ways maybe, but overall, nope! Bringing a bottle is much easier then having to cover yourself up out in public! Anyway, looks like you got tons of great advice from other peoples comments. If you still feel like you want to try a little longer, I'd say contact the local Le Leche League (just google them). Also, ask Becca, she took some supplements to get her milk supply up, forget what they were called (le leche league also knows what they are called). I know some girls that never nursed, they just pumped and used that to bottle feed, Le Leche League should have some good ways to get your supply back up if you want to. Good luck, and don't stress, you are being such an amazing mommy for sweet Dane!
Hey Tiffany, I don't know if you remember me but I am one of Alexa Walker and Lacey Peterson's friends. I have read your blog a few times (found it through Lacey's) and just wanted to comment. First congratulations on your baby! He is adorable.
I am really passionate about breastfeeding so I wanted to offer you my support. Nursing is hard and it can be frustrating but if you can get through this difficult time, you will find that it gets easier and will become something you'll truly cherish. Also, you already know how beneficial breastmilk is for babies. I would really recommend calling another lactation consultant and working with her. I'd also find a La Leche League and go to the support meetings so that you can be in a positive atmosphere where you'll find encouragement and support. It sounds like he may be confused - so perhaps you need to take the bottle/binky away and just go cold turkey. If you do that it will probably be a tough couple of days, but after that, he should nurse better.
This is the La Leche League website. There are Mother-to-Mother forums, FAQ's, etc.
http://www.llli.org//
About nipple confusion: http://www.llli.org/FAQ/sore.html
Info on the early weeks of breastfeeding:
http://www.llli.org/NB/NBearlyweeks.html
A blog about breastfeeding:
http://breastfeedingwithcomfortandjoy.blogspot.com/
You are doing wonderfully! I admire your determination to breastfeed. I really think you'll succeed with the right help and support. Do your best and things will improve!
PS, I have a birth blog and there is a little bit of breastfeeding info on there too.
http://birthwithconfidence.blogspot.com
PS - I asked my friend Sally, who is a doula and lactation consultant if she had some advice for you. She just gave me her phone number and said that you can call her. She's super nice (she was my assistant midwife with my second baby and delivered my baby). Hope you can get the support you need!
Sally: 480-323-0735
nursing is HARD! Try some fenugreek to increase your milk supply. Plus drink TONS of water. About 20 glasses a day.
My first was REALLY hard to nurse. I really don't have any other words of advice. I hope things work out well!
Congrats on the new
babe!!! I am so happy for you!!!
it looks like you have a lot of support and advice already. I totally feel your pain. I didnt have the same problem but I had many other problems with breastfeeding, and I am so glad that I stuck in there- it took a few months, but I was able to nurse Celah for 11 months and its the best thing I feel I could have done for her. Hang in, it DOES get easier- Dane will get better and you will start to feel confident- it seems so foreign, i know, but it does come.
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